"Cause my best intentions are making a mess of things...I just wanna fix it somehow...."

Lately, I feel like songs have been inspiring to me on a level that I haven't known for quite a while. I'm choreographing in my head driving down the road again when I hear a particularly non-sucky song on the radio and I'm getting chill bumps from songs that seem to reach down into my core and catch a firm grasp on feelings and emotions that I'd been trying to hide.

Last week, I was left breathless by Lea Michelle who plays Rachel Berry on 'Glee' as she sang an original song for the Reginals episode. Her emotions poured out through the lyrics and I literally sat on my couch with my mouth hanging open enviously watching her.

"What can you do when your good isn't good enough,
And all that you touch tumbles down?
Cuz my best intentions are making a mess of things,
I just wanna fix it somehow.
But how many times will it take?
Oh how many times will it take for me,
To get it right?
To get it right?"

Then, while at work a few days later, I was listening to my Pandora and this lovely gem popped up.

John Mayer--The Heart of Life
"Pain throws your heart to the ground,
Love turns the whole thing around,
No it won't all go the way it should,
But I know the heart of life is good.

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing.
Then, the circle of your friends,
Will defend the silver lining."

Thanks Universe, I got it.

I've just been feeling like nothing I do is right lately. I try to be a good friend to everyone and end up feeling even more isolated and alone. I try to be the best wife I can be without complaining or being too dramatic only to have frustration meet me.

I feel off-balance. Like I'm literally standing in a crowded room screaming and no one even looks up (thanks Titanic). It's frustrating. I feel pent up and ignored and I fight the urge daily to just run somewhere and sit for hours without my phone and just be in the moment. I've debated driving to Sewanee for a weekend of solice on the mountaintop because somehow being there is cathartic.

I'm spinning my wheels. I've spent so much of my life working towards some goal that not having anything to work towards has literally left me dazed and confused.