"Cause I need freedom now, and I need to know how, to live my life as it's meant to be..."

It is very hard for me sometimes to reach out to people over and over fully knowing that I'm going to get shot down. This is something that I have been struggling with for some time now and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.

Jacob went out of town this past weekend and it was our first weekend apart which meant I was sitting at home alone. I don't do very well by myself and haven't had to do it often. I tried to be excited about my remarkably empty weekend and tried to plan to do a lot of cleaning/organizing/crafting but I also wanted to spend time with a few friends.....of course this didn't happen. Why is it that some people literally can never be there for you when you need them to be? I have one friend who is particularly guilty of this offense, repeatedly, and I honestly don't know what to do. I ALWAYS try to be there for every one of my friends only to have no one show up for me when I need it. It is incredibly frustrating and I'm completely at a loss of what to do.

I feel like everytime I start to be happy again, something comes along to derail my train. I think I need to start dancing again even if I can't find a studio. I was always happier after a few hours of beating out my emotions through movement. Sorry in advance downstairs neighbors! Although, that never stopped me in college now did it?